“Perfect” (2003) Simple Plan

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight….and nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect



Have you ever felt pressured to be “perfect”? As if such a thing exists, right? Really it’s just another word like “normal” that was created to give us a baseline, an idea against which to measure ourselves. As long as sin exists in this world, there will never be a “perfect” person.

So why are we so hard on ourselves? On our friends, family, children? Why do we expect so much from others when deep down we know even our best day, we couldn’t live up to that expectation either? I don’t have the answers friends. I don’t think there are any. But maybe we can aim for a solution anyway.

Take a few minutes right now and think about two of your most significant and meaningful relationships; not ones from the past, ones that you’ve lost or let slide, but two that are present and active in your life right now. Can you name them? Now think about your expectations for those two people. Are they realistic? Do they push them to grow, to become better people, to find and live out positive changes? Is there anything about them that might hurt that person, or you?

We aren’t perfect, will never be perfect, and therefore shouldn’t expect anyone else to be perfect. It’s up to each one of us individually to encourage and grow each other. If you’re sitting there thinking “Well other people have unrealistic expectations of me, too,” then push it out of your head. That may be true, but it shouldn’t stop you from changing your own expectations of them; instead, it should make you even more determined to be the one to change. After all, we should be the change we want to see in the world, to lead by example. You’ll be amazed at how many of your loved ones will follow when you start walking the right path.

Explore Beliefs

February is now upon us; in fact, two more days and it will be one quarter past already! It never ceases to amaze me how quickly time flies. My Great Aunt (we called her Aunt Grace, because that was her name, and she was my Grandfather’s Aunt), once told me that the older you get, the faster times goes, until you reach a certain age when it slows down again. I suppose that age is different for everyone. She lived to be one day over 101 years. I wonder when it slowed for her.

For me it seems more like an ebb and flow than a constant stream of faster. Some days seem to drag on, while others pass much too quickly.

Of course, none of this has much of anything to do with my One Little Word, other than I have moved from “explore possibilities” in January to “explore beliefs” in February; from “what if….?” to “God said….” My first prompt for this new month (well, technically my last prompt for last month) was “explore a question,” and I almost decided to explore a question of belief. Then I decided “because” was more fun for an art journal. So this next step hasn’t yet been taken.

There’s a song written and performed by the late Rich Mullins that I always think of when pondering my beliefs; it’s called Creed, and you can watch it on YouTube by clicking the title. It has some great shots from Wichita and surrounding areas, as well as from a Compassion International site where he sponsored children.

This song not only has great music (he plays the hammered dulcimer), but it also describes some basic Christian beliefs. Those aren’t what I plan to explore this month. I was thinking more along the lines of what I believe for my life and the things God has commanded as well as promised.

I’m also beginning to work on the second project of the One Little Word program, which involves making a vision board (the first was to make those little cards for each month), so I’ll be posting pictures of that process in a few days. So far I haven’t learned much, but I didn’t really take time to really explore possibilities. I’d like to change that, as well as share more with you, so be watching for more of my random ramblings, and be sure to enjoy this early Spring!

“One Life” (2011) Hedley

Oh
Oh
Oh woah, one life [x3]
One chance, two lips, free falling
We’re about to lose our grip now
Five minutes too late
Can’t be messing with fate
It’s time to get loud

Cause we’ve been up
When we should’ve been sleeping
We’ve been down
When we could’ve been high
We’ll come alive, tonight
Woah!

It’s a great big world and you'll see
It could pass you by at light speed
You got one life, one life
Don’t stop live it up woah!

If it’s the last night in these streets
You’d be a fool to take a seat
You got one life, one life
Don’t stop live it up
Oh, woah, One Life [x3]
Don’t stop; don’t stop live it up [x2]

Last thing you wanna make
Is your first mistake
But it’s too late now
So get up,
Get ready
Not everybody’s betting against you anyhow

Cause we’ve been up
When we should’ve been sleeping
We’ve been down
When we could’ve been high
We’ll come alive, tonight
Woah!

It’s a great big world and you'll see
It could pass you by at light speed
You got one life, one life
Don’t stop live it up woah!

If it’s the last night in these streets
You’d be a fool to take a seat
You got one life, one life
Don’t stop; live it up
Oh, woah, One Life [x3]
Don’t stop; don’t stop live it up

If you stop and think
You might start to sink
You can’t get it
If you don’t keep giving
Can’t get it if you don’t
Keep giving

Oh!
It’s a great big world and you'll see
It could pass you by at light speed
You got one life, one life
Don’t stop live it up
Woah!

If it’s the last night in these streets
You’d be a fool to take a seat
You got one life, one life
Don’t stop live it up
Oh woah, One Life [x3]
Don’t stop; don’t stop live it up [x2]
Oh woah, one life [x3]
Don’t stop; don’t stop live it up [x2]



This is a bonus post, kind of goes along with the first song for today and it’s the same letter, so I decided to share. Hedley is a Canadian band that was introduced to me by my Canadian friends, and this particular song also happens to have a great music video. I love all the children, jumping around and happy.

Not only is the music full of energy, the lyrics are all about living the one life we have; I love how he says “It’s a great big world and you’ll see/It could pass you by at light speed” – doesn’t that seem to be reality? The older we get the more responsibilities we take on, and it seems like time slips by faster and faster. This is one of those songs that I should play (and dance around my living room to) when I feel like I’m just wasting my time – and then get a drink of water and get to work!

“One Life to Love” (2008) 33 Miles

He never thought he cared so much about the minute hand
Until he started praying for a second chance
If he could only do it all again
And trade the long nights that he spent behind his desk
For all he missed
He tells his wife I wish that this moment in this room
Was not me dying
But just spending a little time with you

You only get just one time around, you only get one shot at this
One chance to find out the one thing that you don't wanna miss
One day when it's all said and done I hope you see that it was enough
This one ride, one try, one life to love

She never thought she cared so much about those little hands
That held on tight the day she left till she was scared to death
Sitting all alone on a hotel bed, the end of the road
The sun has set on her big plans to feel young again
She picks up the phone, dials a number, hears that little voice
That's haunted every single mile since she made that choice

You only get just one time around, you only get one shot at this
One chance to find out the one thing that you don't wanna miss
One day when it's all said and done I hope you see that it was enough
This one ride, one try, one life to love



Every time I hear the song One Life to Love I think about the movie “Pay It Forward,” and how we often fail to recognize that even the smallest act of kindness or mercy can spread around the world. Every day is a special gift, and we will only ever have one of each.

If I spent half as much time in prayer as I do complaining, I know my life would be filled with blessings a hundred times over what I have now. Instead of spending hours every week playing Castleville on Zynga, I could praying for my future family, or working on using the gifts God has blessed me with to create and write. If I spent as much time exercising as I do complaining about not feeling well or staring off into nowhere I’d be much healthier and more able to enjoy this one life I have.

We all only have one life….to live, to love, to learn and grow; to leave a legacy. What will be yours?

“Not Meant to Be” (2008) Theory of a Deadman

It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between
What you wanted from me,
And knowing if I give that to ya
I might just disappear.

Nobody wins when everyone's losing
Oh it's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,
Oh, it's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe
That there's no way out for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of our life

Nobody wins when everyone's losing
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind
Oh it's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
That maybe we're not meant to be

There's still time to turn this around
Should we be building this up
Instead of tearing it down?
But I keep thinking
Maybe….
It's too late

It's like one step forward and two steps back,
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind
Oh, it's like tryin to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want and it's killing me
And I, I finally see baby
That we're not meant to be
It's like one step forward and two steps back,
No matter what I do you're always mad,
And I, baby I'm sorry to see,
Maybe….
We're not meant to be


I love the imagery and honesty in the song Not Meant to Be. It not only describes a very unhealthy relationship (“If I give that to you, I might just disappear”), I found I can draw parallels to other areas of my life – which is a necessity for me since I don’t even have a man I’m not meant to be with!

First of all, going back to that line I just quoted, “I’m caught between/What you wanted from me/And knowing that if I give that to you/I might just disappear”. I don’t know about you, but I think sometimes I feel that way when God asks me to do something that I don’t understand or don’t want to do. Even as my faith has grown stronger in the past couple of years, and I know, I know that He is my Provider, I still sometimes think He’s asking too much of me.

The next image that really stands out is “It's like one step forward and two steps back”. Now, I know we’ve all been there at some point in our life’s journey; sometimes we take several steps back before we can start moving forward again. Sometimes we just stop and wait. But one thing I’ve learned about God is that no matter how many miles we move back, away from Him, all we have to do is turn around and He’s right there. If only everything in life were so dependable and constant!

And finally, “It’s like trying to turn around on a one way street”. Again, who’s with me on this? How many times have you found yourself going in one direction in life only to realize it’s the wrong way down a one way street (figuratively, of course, as I’m sure none of you would ever actually do that in your car)? Or you’re rolling with the flow of traffic and suddenly need to turn around? Have faith my friends, God will always provide the exit, you just need to be watchful and don’t ignore the signs.

Ok, real quick before I go, this totally reminds me of the movie “Elizabethtown” when Drew (played by Orlando Bloom, who is totally hot), misses his exit, the now infamous “60B”. He keeps asking himself, “Did I miss 60B??” until he pulls over and frantically screams it to the universe. I laugh out loud every time!!

*Photo used was copied from this Google images page.

“Moments” (2006) Emerson Drive

I was coming to the end of a long long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it

I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did
What I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone

That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always felt this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did
What I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time

He says
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did
What I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments



I mentioned this in the first Songs of September post that covered the song A Long December by Counting Crows (that link will take you to the post), but I think it’s worth mentioning again, now that the month is half over and, let’s be honest, it was a great point that I made:  one of the best things about music is when you find that song that somehow says everything you’ve ever wanted to say, better than you could ever say it. Now, the song Moments by Emerson Drive is one of those songs, which is why I’m sharing it with you, but it’s not the entire song. To be honest, those songs are really rare – when all the lyrics speak to me on multiple levels. However, all of the songs I’m sharing this month, and literally hundreds more (and counting as I continue to expand my musical horizons) have a line or two that paint a picture I can’t pass over.

First, I want to share with you the origin of this song. According to the great Wikipedia, it was composed by songwriter Annie Tate and her husband Sam, and came about with help from their friend and songwriting partner Dave Berg. The idea was to somehow capture people having their moments. After it was written, Sam said, "I've always wanted to write a song about redemption and how everyone has the ability to redeem themselves somehow".^[1]

A feeling of redemption is definitely something you walk away with when this song ends. I also took away from it two lines that I want to share with you:  “And memories like a coat so warm/A cold wind can’t get through/Lookin’ at me now you might know it/But I’ve had my moments.”

Let’s break these up. “Memories like a coat so warm a cold wind can’t get through” – what a unique and powerful way to look at something so common. Especially from the perspective of a homeless man! Instead of talking about the familiar “walk down memory lane” or “life flashed before my eyes,” the writers chose to share a few specific moments in each man’s life, and the homeless man described his as being so warm, the cold wind couldn’t get through them. Do you see it? In other words, even on the cold streets, he had warm memories from some of his life’s changing moments to keep him moving forward. All of us have those little blessings, if we just allow ourselves to see them.

The other is the line that follows that one, and that is echoed by the young man, “lookin’ at me now you might know it, but I’ve had my moments” – how true is this statement for all of us at one point or another? We all have days (sometimes stretching into weeks, months, years….) when we look beat up and rundown. Looking at us then, from the outside or from within, you wouldn’t know we’ve had our moments. But we have! And they will continue to happen, every day!

Life is made up of a series of moments. Among those are moments of brilliance. Some of us have more than others, and some don’t realize they've even happened. Then there are moments of kindness and moments of revelization. And of course, there are those moments that change your life.

I will be 32 in a few months, not terribly old or wise, sort of at the beginning of the middle of my life so to speak. While I’ve had millions of moments of different kinds, most have long since been forgotten. The ones I remember are those that had some form of significant impact on the path I was following at the time, even to the extent of changing my direction. Looking back I can see little roadside markers indicating what happened at that point, and when.

While it’s true that I don’t remember every significant life event, and I still have many more to look forward to as I learn to live each day, in the moment, there is one truth that always stands out, no matter the direction I’m heading:  You’re never prepared for the moments that change your life.

¹ Horner, Alan. (July 16). "Story Behind the Song". Country Weekly 14: 64

“The Last Good-bye” (2011) David Cook

If you hear this on the radio
Then we've already said our last goodbye
I won't be there when you get home
By now there's someone else that hears you cry

I wonder if he holds you like I did
I hope that he can love you better
Cause we were everything that's right
At the wrong time

I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye
Oh, I didn't want to let you go
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried….
But this is the last goodbye

We were almost beautiful
A broken piece of art put on display
But we were never possible
Another perfect moment thrown away

I know somebody out there will love you
They'll be the forever we never were
Cause we were everything that's right
At the wrong time

I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye
Oh, I didn't want to let you go
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried….
But this is the last goodbye

If you hear this on the radio
Then we've already said our last goodbye
Our last goodbye
I didn't want to lose you
Leave you with a broken heart
But wherever we are, we're miles apart
I know that we tried, but this is the last goodbye
The last goodbye
I know that we tried….
But this is the last goodbye



The Last Goodbye music video makes me laugh. And if you pay attention, you'll notice that David Cook laughs in it a few times, too. It’s not really what you’d expect from a song about the end of a relationship that was right, just at the wrong time. I love it when artists take a chance and subvert expectations.

For me, this song can be about more than a failed relationship. It speaks to knowing when to let go, when to just turn and walk away – from a person, from a job, from a bad habit. (I know, easier said than done!) If you know you’ve tried everything you can and something still isn’t right, maybe you just need to say a last good-bye.

“Keep Holding On” (2006) Avril Lavigne

You're not alone, together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold and it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No, I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away, I wish you were here
Before it's too late this could all disappear
Before the door's closed and it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah
chorus

Hear me when I say when I say, I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Keep holding on
Keep holding on
There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through



This is one of those songs that will always remind me of a particular person, and depending on where I am in life when I hear it, will probably make me cry at least 50% of the time. (It was originally released as part of the movie Eragon,and the music video for it has clips from the movie.)

When I hear the lyrics I think of friendship, the kind that is stronger than just hanging out at Starbucks or going shopping; this kind of bond is like choosing the people you want to have in your family. Some people call it “heart adopted.” For me, this song is about my little sister, and wanting her to remember that I’ll always be here for her no matter what life brings. There’s nothing she could say or do that would change that truth; she just has to keep holding on.

“Jesus Take the Wheel” (2005) Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy
With the baby in the backseat

Fifty miles to go and she was running low
On faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning
On a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared

She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw the baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change

So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Ooh, Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, take it, take it from me



When Jesus Take the Wheel was released on the radio, it was played A LOT. It’s a great song, I really like the message, but after a while it just became too much. I don’t know about you, but when I hear a song played every three songs or so on the radio, it’s like having it stuck in your head. So I stopped listening to it for a while; now, I go back to it as part of a playlist, or shuffle on my iTunes, and every time I stop for minute and let the words become a sort of personal prayer for my life.

It seems to be a constant battle for me to give up control of my life. And yet I can't seem to get where I need to be on my own! Looking back, I don’t see footprints in the sand, I see road signs and a giant map of the path my life has taken. There are two lines – the one that shows the path I take when I’m at the wheel, that goes all over the place (including off the edge of some cliffs and into a few oceans, rivers, lakes), and the one that shows the path when God is leading the way.

I love maps, I love road trips (more the actual getting there part; once I’m there I’m only content for about two days, then I’m overwhelmed and need to be home again), and I’ve used driving and cars and such as an analogy for my relationship with God for a long time. It makes sense to me. I would encourage you to take a few minutes when you get a chance to figure out a way of seeing your own walk with God, and use that to guide your prayers and actions this week.

“I Can Only Imagine” (2001) MercyMe

I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side...
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me!
I can only imagine.
I can only imagine.

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus?
Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine!
I can only imagine!

I can only imagine, when that day comes
When I find myself standing in the Son!
I can only imagine, when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You!
I can only imagine!
I can only imagine!

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus?
Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine!
Yeah! I can only imagine!

Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you, Jesus?
Or in awe of You, be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine!
Yeah! I can only imagine!

I can only imagine!
Yeah! I can only imagine!!
Only imagine!!!
I can only imagine.
I can only imagine, when all I do is forever, forever worship You!
I can only imagine….



I remember when this song was released on the radio; I was still at Seattle Pacific, and it was quickly learned by the worship teams at the various churches and school Chapel functions I attended. I have a friend who would sing it as loudly as she could in the car – she has a beautiful voice, and it was haunting to hear.

I wouldn’t have been able to verbalize this at the time, but if I’m honest with myself, I can’t even imagine what it will be like when I stand before God. If I stop to think about it, and consider what I’ve learned about Him in my years of study and personal relationship, I guess it may be some of the things in this song.

Let’s see….I don’t know if I’d dance for Him, it depends on the music, but in awe of Him be still is a pretty safe bet. I also don’t think I’d be singing “hallelujah” as it’s not really my style, but I hope I won’t be quiet for long. I’d love to take a long walk with Him and just talk about things; ask questions, share stories.

I can only imagine so much, and it’s largely based on reality; one of the not-so-fun outcomes of my autistic superpowers I’m afraid. I have a feeling those will be gone when I get there. And I guess that’s ok, not being able to imagine; in a way that makes the day when it actually happens just that much more exciting!

“Home” (2007) Daughtry

I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain

Well, I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home, well I'm going home

The miles are getting longer, it seems, the closer I get to you
I've not always been the best man or friend for you
But your love it makes true and I don't know why
You always seem to give me another try

So I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no
I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old

Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all and then some you don't want
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all, yeah

Oh, well I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
I said these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home
I'm going home



This is one of my favorite songs, by one of my favorite bands, although I must admit both of those lists are quite long. The idea of going home “to the place where I belong” is not an easy one to write about. In this instance, he’s singing about being on the road and loving the life he chose as a singer/songwriter, but missing home and his love. Isn’t it interesting how he mentions the pain there being different, and the miles getting longer as he gets closer?

Home is not only a great song, it’s also an interesting concept; what is “home”? Well, that depends on who you ask. We all have a different definition, shaped by our past experiences and future desires. For someone who has a supportive, loving family, home is where the heart is (it’s a cliché for a reason); for others, who have moved around a lot or been hurt by those who were supposed to care for them, home might be a four-letter-word, or something only found in dreams.

Personally, I’m not sure how I define home. And I’ve given it a great deal of thought in the past few years. It’s definitely more than a place on a map or a living space filled with my things. (I've lived places that could never have been "home" to me. So is it a feeling then?) Family is part of it, but not the same way it was when I was younger; now I think of the family I want to have, a husband and children, rather than the one I was born into. So in that respect, I’m not home quite yet. But I’m on the way.

I’m still working on my first novel, Coming Home, and as part of the planning process I considered what “home” means to the protagonist. She was away from her family and hometown for University, and now that she’s returned – to a family grown and grown up, and a town that has expanded and changed – the “home” she left no longer exists. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but I assure you she finds a new way to see “home” that holds the promise of a future.

“Gotta Be Somebody” (2008) Nickelback

This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough

So I'll be waiting for the real thing
I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen

So I'll be holdin' my own breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right
It's just like déjà vu
Me standin' here with you
So I'll be holdin' my own breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with?



Do I really need to say it again? We all know what this song says to me, it’s right there in the title:  Gotta Be Somebody.

“Fall Into Me” (2008) Sugarland

When the weight of the world
Bares down so strong
It leaves footprints on the street
And there’s too many miles to face
Without a few more hours sleep
The storm clouds overhead won't shed
Any rain to quench your thirst
I wanna be the one you reach for first

When your faith is stretched so thin that
You can see straight through your soul
And you can’t find a nickel to buy a smile
Cause your pockets all got holes
You wanna shut the door
And hide before
The day can get much worse
I wanna be the one you reach for first

Chorus
Fall into me
My arms are opened wide
And you don’t have to say a word
Cause I already see
That it’s hard and you’re scared
And you’re tired and it hurts
And I wanna be the one you reach for first

I wanna be the bottle
You’ve been drinkin’ with your eyes
Or the road you run away on
You’ve been runnin’ all your life
The third row pew that you last knew
As a child in church
I wanna be the one you reach for first
(chorus)

Before your turn the key
Before you fall asleep
Before you drift away
To fight those demons
Waiting for you in your dreams
Before your arms are stretched wide open
Before you reach into the sky
Before your searching for direction
And all the answers to your life
Fall into me….(chorus)



Fall Into Me is a song that was probably intended to be sung to someone you love, but can easily be made into a promise from God. And that's how I hear it every time I listen to it. He does want to be the One we reach for first; He’s waiting with His arms wide open to catch us, if we would only fall into Him.

I know this truth, I’ve known it most of my life, and yet who have I been turning to these past months when the world has opened up for me in new and interesting ways? I’ve been out of the cave and walking on the beach, I’ve been exploring and learning and growing….and I’ve been trying to do it alone. And you know what? I feel even lonelier when I go thru life without Him, more even than waking up every day with only my teddy bear at my side.

I haven’t been feeling well, and I know part of it was physical, but those things are mostly gone now. The other stuff – call it stress, or worry, or chaos – it’s been piling up and I’ve been pushing it away. I’ve been trying to deal with things a little at a time but I’ve been doing it on my own. And for what? To find myself alone on the beach, soaking wet and shivering cold? I know where I find my comfort and rest, and I want to fall into His arms. I want Him to be the one I reach for first.

“Everything You Want” (1999) Vertical Horizon

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees
And the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone
To push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why….
I don't know



Everything You Want has long been one of my favorite songs. I don’t know what it means but I especially like the last time thru the chorus. “I am everything you want/I am everything you need/I am everything inside of you/That you wish you could be/I say all the right things/At exactly the right time/But I mean nothing to you and I don’t know why.”

I’ve felt like that a time or two. Once in a while I meet a guy who really gets me, superpowers and all, and yet….I mean nothing to them and I don’t know why.

Of course, it’s a guy singing it, and he’s probably talking about a girl who keeps going after the wrong guys when he’s right there in front of her. I haven’t been one of those girls, either, for two reasons:  I haven’t gone after any guys, right or wrong haha, and I don’t know any single guys right now so he’s not right in front of me.

I’ve waited a long time for God to show me who I get to spend my life with; I don’t expect to get everything I want, but most of them would be nice…. [smile]

“Does Anybody Hear Her?” (2006) Casting Crowns

She is running a hundred miles an hour
In the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction



This song always makes me think of someone who is very important to me. My little sister. I wonder sometimes if she feels like no one hears her. And yet no matter what I do I can’t help her understand I’m listening. I don’t want to fix her problems or take over her life. I just want her to be healthy….safe, happy.

I must say that she’s not a failure. In fact, she’s done some great things, and I am very proud of her in so many ways. She just doesn’t have any family to stand behind her and show her the way. And she’s not quite sure how God fits into everything all the time. But she wants to get better, and make a better life for her little one that will be joining us before too long. And that’s a great many steps in the right direction. Does anybody hear her? I do. And I love her a lot a lot.

“Colder Weather” (2010) Zac Brown Band

She'd trade Colorado if he'd take her with him,
Closes the door before the winter lets the cold in,
And wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay,
She's answered by the taillights shining through the window pane

He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
She said you're a ramblin' man
And you ain't ever gonna change
You gotta gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'

At a truck stop diner just outside of Lincoln,
The night is black as the coffee he was drinkin',
And in the waitress' eyes he sees the same 'ol light a shinin',
He thinks of Colorado and the girl he left behind him

He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
She said you're a ramblin' man
And you ain't ever gonna change
You got a gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin' (born for leavin')

Well it's a winding road
When your in the lost and found
You're a lover I'm a runner
And we go 'round 'n 'round
And I love you but I leave you
I don't want you but I need you
You know it's you
That calls me back here baby

Oh I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
Cause I'm a ramblin' man
I ain't ever gonna change (I ain't ever gonna change)
Gotta gypsy soul to blame
And I was born for leavin' (born for leavin')

And when I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
But I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait till then
I can't wait till then



Colder Weather is a song full of layers in its music and meaning. It starts out with a simple piano as he sets the stage for a familiar story:  a man has to leave his love behind to pursue his dreams. Then the cymbals add a little depth, along with a few more voices, as he shares his feelings with the girl he’s about to leave.

A violin enters as the chorus fades and we meet up with our trucker at a diner in Nebraska, and a guitar comes in with the second time thru the chorus. Finally, the drums bring us into the bridge and the heart of the story – he pours out his soul to his love and admits he can’t be without her – but he’s stuck in colder weather. A crescendo and the music swells; as the song draws to a close we’re brought to the finale, a promise that it won’t be much longer….

I love songs that tell a story, not just with the lyrics, but with the music. There are literally thousands of songs about lost loves and tragedies of life; what makes them stand out is how well the artist can draw in the audience by evoking an emotional response with a few instruments and some harmonic voices.

Zac Brown Band is a country group, and I know some people don’t really enjoy that genre of music; the twang of the guitar, that little something in their voice that says “country singer.” But this band has some great songs that tell stories to make me think, and make me laugh, and this is one of my favorites.

“Crush” (2008) David Archuleta

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside it was a rush, what a rush
‘Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way
About me, just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
‘Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain’t going away-ay-ay

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl?
Are we just friends? Is there more? Is there more?
See it's a chance we've gotta take
‘Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever!

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know



Having a “crush” on someone means “a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.” I’ve felt that plenty of times; no one has ever felt that for me. But as I was just telling a friend of mine, it really only takes one person, if they're the right one.

I’m alone, and lots of days I’m lonely; I have a hamster now, his name is Oblio and he’s adorable, and it helps having him around. But I’m still lonely. I know one day I will find someone to spend my life with, and I know that I haven’t found him yet because I had a lot of work to do first. I still have work to do, but I’m getting better every day. And I believe God will introduce us. For now, I don’t even have someone to have a crush on. But I’ll let you know when that changes….

“Beautiful Disaster” (2007) Jon McLaughlin

She loves her mama's lemonade,
Hates the sounds that goodbyes make.
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.
She swears that there's no difference,
Between the lies and complements.
It's all the same if everybody leaves her.
And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,
The pictures that she sees make her cry.

And she would change everything,
Everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
And she needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfection.
She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way….
Only seventeen but tired.

She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.
Cuz she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's ok.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home
And just needs someone to take her home.



Beautiful Disaster is one of my favorite songs. The story it tells is kind of sad yet hopeful, but in a different way than “A Long December.” It reminds me of so many girls I’ve known along the way to where I am. The first verse especially, but really throughout the song he did a great job of capturing familiar images in new and intriguing ways. It’s not easy to write about the pain of not feeling at home in your own skin. Somehow this song really captures that for me….

“A Long December” (1996) Counting Crows

One of the best things about music is when you find that song that somehow says everything you’ve ever wanted to say, better than you could ever say it. For the month of September, I want to share some songs with you, some of my favorites; each one has spoken to me in a different way, and I know that if you really listen to the lyrics, they will speak to you as well. I’ll try to post a link to a Youtube video for each one, and I’ll share some thoughts about what I hear.



First up is “A Long December” by Counting Crows, which can be seen here A Long December. The video doesn’t really capture the song the way I see it, but it’s a great version if you haven’t heard it before. I love how eerie the music sounds, how it pulls you along as he sings about a friend in rehab. His words are sad, regretful as he thinks about the past and how he may have let her down, and yet he has hope for a brighter future:  “It’s been a long December and there’s reason to believe/Maybe this year will be better than the last/I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself/To hold on to these moments as they pass.”

My favorite line out of the whole song is “And all at once you look across a crowded room/To see the way that light attaches to a girl.” It’s funny how this one image is what always sticks out to me; it doesn’t capture the main point of the song, or apply to my life in any way. And yet it stops me every time I hear it. I can't help it. I’m intrigued by the idea of light attaching to a single person out of a crowd of many. Is that the moment he fell in love?

“America Again” (1995) Carman

“George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, First Chief Justice John Jay. Names synonymous with the spirit of our country, founding fathers of the U.S.A. Over 200 years ago they shook off the chains of tyranny from Great Britain by divine call. Citing 27 biblical violations, they wrote the Declaration of Independence, with liberty, and justice, for all. But something happened since Jefferson called the Bible the cornerstone for American liberty, then put it in our schools as a light. Or since ‘Give me liberty or give me death!’ Patrick Henry said, ‘Our country was founded on the Gospel of Jesus Christ.’ We eliminated God from the equation of American life, thus eliminating the reason this Nation first began. From beyond the grave I hear the voices of our founding fathers plead, you need God in America, again. Of the 55 men who formed the Constitution, 52 were active members of their church. Founding fathers like Noah Webster, who wrote the first dictionary, could literally quote the Bible, chapter and verse.

“James Madison said, 'We've staked our future on our ability to follow the ten command- ments with all our heart.' These men believed you couldn't even call yourself an American if you subvert the Word of God. In his farewell address, Washington said, 'You can't have national morality apart from Religious principal,' and it's true. Cause right now we have nearly a hundred and fifty thousand kids carrying guns to these warzones we call public schools. In the 40s and 50s student problems were chewing gum and talking, in the 90s, rape and murder are the trend. The only way this nation can even hope to last this decade, is put God in America, again!” [Then the chorus, more spoken verses]

On this day in 1956, “In God we trust” became the official motto of the United States. A month later three high school students in Mansfield, Texas attempted to enter Mansfield High School and were met by over 300 angry whites, including the mayor and chief of police, refusing to let them pass.

Carman wrote and released this song in 1995, almost thirty years after we declared to the world as a nation “We trust in God.” What does that even mean? And how are we living it out, in our every day lives, at work or in school? Is it really a motto, or just something we stamp on our currency?

I can only speak for myself on this one. And I have to say that I don’t trust God very often. I love Him and want Him to be part of my life, but I’m selfish and sinful, and I end up doing things my own way. I know He’s always there for me when I need Him, but I really need to start trusting Him right now, in the moments that make up my day, before there’s a crisis I can’t handle. I don’t want to meet Him saying, “I guess I was just going through the motions….I’m sorry.”