Thursday, February 7, 2013

Welcome to the World Little Angel

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I would like you to meet the newest member of my extended family, Troy Thomas. He was born just over three hours ago, weighing in at 7lbs 10 oz, 20.5 inches long. His mommy is a very special friend of mine, whom I have adopted as my little sister – which makes him nephew number #6!

I don’t know when I’ll be able to meet him, but I already know he will be a precious and much-loved part of my life no matter what. With everything that’s happened I must say that I am very proud of my little sister and I look forward to watching this special blessing grow.

The cycle of life, the simple fact that miracles happen every day, all around us, always causes me to step back and take a few deep breaths, just letting the sheer magnitude of God’s awesomeness wash over me. I can’t imagine loving anyone even a fraction of how much He loves us; these new little gifts are such a warm, soft, gentle reminder that we are special and beloved. Could it be possible that one day I will get to have my own precious angels?

I’ve spent some time the past week thinking about this month’s one little word intention “explore beliefs,” and one thing that keeps coming back is my belief that I will find someone to be my life partner and father of my children. Some days I think about him a lot, wishing he were here so I could tell him about something that happened, or ask his opinion or advice. Sometimes I think I just need a hug (I tend to go weeks at a time without any touch); other times I just feel so….lonely. And there are days when, no matter how much I fight it, I just can’t bring myself to believe it will really happen. Life seems to get in the way, mess things up.

I would like to blame autism for making me alone, pushing people away or keeping them at a distance, but it’s not the reason, not on its own. And really, it’s not about blame at all, but timing and faith, and not letting myself stop believing that God has a plan for my life that includes my own family. As much as it hurts to be alone right now, His time is always perfect and I choose to wait. The blessings I will find when that time comes are even more unimaginable than loving as I am loved.

So tonight I am going to find peace and joy in the birth of my newest little nephew and trust God to keep him and his mommy safe and secure, and that’s all I need. Bunches of hugs to you little sister, I love you so so much and I can’t wait to see you again and meet little Tadpole!

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